When it comes to me and most of my remaining family, I have rather pronounced differences with them — especially when it comes to morality, doing the right thing, what is a “good life,” things like that.
In the absence of a proper father role and the scorn from my dad’s Italian family, I got most of my moral compass from my mom and one of my uncles, who was the most functional father figure I had in my life. Out of their group of six siblings, those two were the youngest. My mom was deemed the “negra” of the family, while my uncle, who was born with neurofibromatosis, undoubtedly had to deal with the social stigma that came with it.
Both of them believed in hard, honest work, being a good person, and helping others. Although both were significantly smarter than their other siblings, they were looked down on by their older brothers and sisters because of their “lack” of success in life. My mom had five medical specialties but didn’t had the material possessions or bank account with the numbers of a “successful” doctor of her caliber — but she saved so many lives throughout her life, and that cannot be measured in currency. Case in point, her good deeds led to me and my brother finding a foothold here in Italy through one of the wildest things that has happened in my atypical life.
Life saw fit to reward their good deeds by giving them both with a sarcoma, one in the stomach for my uncle that killed him in 2004, one in my mom’s liver that killed her in 2018. But that is a philosophical debate for another time
At the other side of the aisle stood their four older relatives, some of whom believed in success through being shrewd, attaining goals through shady and disreputable methods, and valued instant gratification more than long term goals. They lived most of their lives squandering resources and circumstances in lavish frivolities and material possessions. It is a long story, but if you’re familiar with the tale of Ozymandias you can have an idea of how that ended.
In the middle of these two diametrically opposed ways to tackle life stands me, my brother, and my late uncle’s daughter and son — deemed as the four “abnormal” by some of my remaining relatives. I have my own set of moral guidelines and convictions, and my brother, well, he lives a simple life devoid of much of the worries most adults have to deal with.
Now, my two young cousins, and these two radically different wants to approach life, is the stage of one of my own personal and ongoing worries, and the subject of this personal rambling. One was born in 1999, and is the cousin I’m sort of the parental figure of as of 2023. The other, born in 2002, is my godson, and is the more socially isolated of us four.
Because they lived with my mom’s family after their dad died in 2004 and our grandmother passed away in 2005 (their mom signed documents giving them away), they had to deal with the good and the bad that comes with that. So while they had a family and a roof to live, they had to deal with so much verbal and physical abuse.
My family doesn’t quite believe in the value of education, nor pursuing long term goals as a professional career, and as such, neither was enrolled in a school, nor did they replace it with proper homeschooling. My mom really tried to have them both enrolled in school, but my family didn’t quite listen to her, even when she offered to help pay for their education out of her own pocket even though she didn’t had much money to begin with.
My mom was always worried about my two cousins having an education or even learning a trade, and the catastrophic circumstances it could have on their future. After she passed away in 2018, I sort of inherited this task — more so after the fact that the youngest one happens to be my Godson (the other one isn’t my Goddaughter simply because she was mad at me over some childish things back in the day lol).
I can’t say much because I flunked college (and am still paying the price for it), but I tried to teach them what I could, like, how to use a computer, handle a file explorer and its tasks (esoteric lost knowledge for many zoomers out there), and random things like that. Unfortunately, my family didn’t quite allow them to spend much time with me because I’m the evil right wing black sheep of the family, or something like that.
The oldest cousin, after having enough of it, took matters in her own hand and enrolled themselves in a local course in 2019 that allowed them to finally graduate. During those years I was able to help them with math, English, and other things, so they were able to spend some time in my place.
My cousin, having found herself capable of doing things after being repeatedly told how worthless she was, wanted to study to become a doctor just like my mom — long story short, my family thwarted her, but now she’s enrolled in nursing school, which I’m financing with my part time job.
My Godson, however, walks the path presented by my family and which I described above.
It’s no secret to anybody that Venezuela is undergoing the worst migrant crisis in the Western Hemisphere, with 8 million inhabitants fleeing over the past decade or so. There’s not a single family in the country left that hasn’t decided to leave, or has one or more relatives abroad, and my family is no exception.
Just as I spent the past six years trying to find a legal way to move to another country with my brother despite my lack of education and lack of skills, so did my family. They pursued their own agenda just as I pursued mine, but the lingering worry of (how to help my two cousins have a good future) was a constant thing in my mind these past years, and it still is.
My cousin always wanted to study, as it’s one of the main things my family deprived her of in the past — but my Godson does not have such aspirations, and instead only knows the path presented by my family: to half ass things and cheat your way to “success” to seek out instant gratification, and worry not about building a future for yourself. This is exacerbated by his mental condition and lack of socializing, which is much more significant than my brother’s after this past year.
I can show many examples of this, but one that really stuck out the most was this one particular day in 2018,
I visited my family sometime after my mom passed away. While conversing with them, the subject of moving from Venezuela eventually came, and the matter of aspirations and hypothetical things to do in another country. To give context, this was when hyperinflation was really, really bad, and the whole bread lines, food shortages, fingerprint scanners to ration food, etc were still in full force.
I abstained myself from disclosing my goals properly, such as publishing Sword, but my family presented these grandiose plans that they had, such as numerous enterpeenterpeneuships, contracts, and a lot more nonsense. My Godson innocently asked if leaving Venezuela meant he would once again be able to get what he wanted: A Double Mcnifica with no veggies from McDonald’s.
To which my aunt responded yes. That exchange summarized the entire sum of aspirations that my family had for my Godson, to be able to give him fast food on a daily basis. No education, no means for him to stand on his own, just that, a Double Mcnifica with no veggies and a large coke.
I discussed this with my cousin throughout the years while she continued to study to catch up and finish an expedited high school remedial course. Before and after the Italian passport saga of 2022 I was always aware that there is no legal way for me to bring them to me to whatever country, but I always wanted them to be free from my family and their abuse and neglect.
I had no way to bring them with me, yes, but I had my mom’s place. I didn’t spend the past six years just trying to find a way out of Venezuela, but also trying to convince them to move in with me, or to at least consider moving there once I had found a way out if they didn’t want to live with the “black sheep” of the family. Suffice to say, I was not successful at either.
Then came the now-defunct Biden administration’s “Humanitarian Parole” program, and with it, my family’s chance to live the American Dream™ (as defined by my family). Long story short, they sold their apartment, and used the money to bribe their way into the program, squeezing through and attaining protection under TPS at the last hour.
My cousin was offered a spot in this sweet deal, but she refused, because she wanted to pursue a career — and because she’d rather keep dealing with the entire Venezuelan socialist misery experience than be abused by her family, which really puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?
I tried to reason with her to help me convince my Godson to stay with her, fully aware that while he wouldn’t get the American Dream™ (as defined by my family), he would be safe, and it meant I could find a way for him to start learning something that could lead towards him being able to stand on his own in the future. I used the Mcnifica argument by saying yes, he wouldn’t be able to get the Mcnifica in the short term, but we could help him towards a longer term fulfillment where he could be able to buy one on his own.
My cousin refused, saying that he’d at least have food, blah blah, Venezuela’s fucked, etc.
Eventually my cousin got screwed over by my family, who initially promised her to help her pay for her education, only to snub her. That is why I’ve been paying her tuition fees since January 2024. I sort of reached a pseudo “scholarship” agreement with my cousin so as to incentivize her, good grades for tuition fees, that’s the deal, and I’m happy that her grades have been excellent, my mom would be proud. Of course, I don’t charge her rent or anything of the sorts, just asked to take care of my mom’s place.
Twose two cousins lived together all of their lives until late June 2023, when my cousin moved in with me, and my Godson moved to the United States with my family. It’s been nearly a year and a half where both my cousins now live separate lives and separate roads, with one following one of the paths I explained above, and another living the other path.
My cousin is now starting a new semester, and is working part time at a local hospital, slowly but surely building her career. She has expressed interest in pursuing more education or even starting med school after she graduates from nursing school, and she knows I’ll support her in whatever way I can.
I could get instant gratification from selling my mom’s apartment, give half to my brother, and use the rest on, I don’t know, a car here, a vacation somewhere, or maybe be able to afford rent in an Italian city — but letting her stay there, and knowing she’s on track to become a professional, is both hers and my long term goal, and my way to pay my mom and uncle for what they invaluable moral compass they impacted upon me.
My Godson, however, lives the life of my family. Upon arriving in Florida he received the instant gratification of a Nintendo Switch, and has fast food regularly but is not actively studying, or working. God forbid, should something happen to my family, he’s sol.
Presently, there’s nothing I can do to change that, but it is one debt I strongly believe I have with my uncle, who was more of a father to me. I’ll keep paying for my cousin’s nursing school fees so long as the good grades keep rolling, even if I have to continue sleeping on a couch to be able to afford that and still be able to cover mine and my brother’s expenses here in Italy, as well as the whooping taxes I’ll have to pay thru this year (so much for saving for a vacation lmao).
It’s another thing on my personal pile of worries that is part of my nightly prayers, but I gotta tackle what I can solve first and foremost, I guess.
-Kal
